Discovering What Sets the Best Family Law Attorneys Apart
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the very best family law attorneys I know, trying to identify the quality that truly sets them apart from the rest. One trait keeps rising to the surface—and I saw it in action just last week.
Observing Emotional Intelligence in Action
I watched a fellow attorney, whom I’ll call Mike, in court. He didn’t know I was observing him, but what I saw was nothing short of remarkable.
With His Client
Mike was completely in sync with his client. He balanced empathy and strength perfectly—comforting the client while also clearly communicating legal advice. It was obvious that Mike could read emotions and respond appropriately.
With Opposing Counsel
The opposing counsel was loud, aggressive, and clearly frustrated. Mike didn’t respond in kind. Instead, he disarmed him—mirroring his energy just enough to lower his guard. He made the opposing counsel feel like a winner, while subtly leading him into a settlement favorable to Mike’s client. It was ego management at its finest.
With the Judge
Mike’s communication with the judge was masterful. The judge entered the courtroom irritated and short-tempered. Within minutes of engaging with Mike, the judge’s mood had noticeably improved. Mike knew exactly what tone to take and what to say to create a positive shift.
What Is Emotional Intelligence?
After watching Mike, I went home and did some research. What I witnessed has a name: Emotional Intelligence—a set of skills that go beyond IQ and are critical to success in emotionally charged legal environments like family law.
Emotional Intelligence Includes:
- Perceiving Emotions
The ability to recognize emotions in others and in oneself—through facial expressions, tone of voice, and behavior. - Using Emotions
Using emotional insight to enhance thinking and problem-solving. - Understanding Emotions
Recognizing how emotions evolve and the relationships between them. - Managing Emotions
Controlling your own emotional responses, and influencing the emotions of others in constructive ways.
Mike exhibited all of these skills. His emotional intelligence allowed him to:
- Guide his client through emotional stress
- Influence a difficult opposing counsel
- Shift a judge’s mindset in his client’s favor
How to Find a Family Law Attorney with Emotional Intelligence
Not all attorneys are created equal. If you’re searching for a family law attorney, look for emotional intelligence as a key trait.
Here are some questions to consider when evaluating an attorney:
- Does the attorney recognize your emotions and respond with empathy and clarity?
- Are they aware of both your emotions and their own, and can they navigate that balance during conversations?
- How do they interact with their staff? Do they show emotional awareness and control?
- Does the staff seem genuinely aligned and supportive of the attorney?
- How does the attorney react to difficult conversations, like budget constraints or misunderstandings?
- Do they seem to agree with everything you say—to the point it feels insincere or transactional?
Trust your instincts. The way an attorney makes you feel during your consultation can reveal a lot about their emotional intelligence and overall ability.
Final Thoughts: Emotional Intelligence Is a Game-Changer
Family law is more than just legal knowledge. It’s about helping people navigate the most emotionally complex situations of their lives. Attorneys like Mike—those who blend legal excellence with emotional awareness—are in a league of their own.
At Fernandez Family Law, we pride ourselves on providing both legal precision and emotional understanding. If you’re ready to meet a legal team that truly gets it, we invite you to come see for yourself.
